Dear Readers,
54
What We Need is a
Wise Grandmother
Imagine
having a wise old grandma upon whose lap we can lay our heads and weep our
woes. She would stroke our hair and say, "Now honey, this too will pass.
"So,
your kids are grown; that doesn't mean you're to be put out to pasture. It
simply means the beginning of a new adventure and a new contribution. Your
nerves might be in turmoil, but remember, it wasn't much fun when puberty
slapped us either. We've lived through good times and bad, and we're here. You
have your life ahead. You have a contribution to give; now dry your tears and
get to work. That's the reason we live past childbearing years—to see that our
species continues. These are your best years. And be joyful, kiddo—that's the
secret."
Abraham
Maslow, a famed psychologist of the 50s, coined the phrase "A
self-actualized person.
Maslow
said, “Stop studying the ills and look to the positive things that work."
What a
concept.
Self-actualization
is not an endpoint or a destination. It is an ongoing process in which people
stretch themselves to achieve new heights of well-being, creativity, and
fulfillment.
Maslow
believed that self-actualizing people possess
several key characteristics. These include self-acceptance, spontaneity,
independence, and the ability to have peak experiences.
According
to his theory, when a person enjoys a "peak experience," a high
point, the individual is in harmony with himself and his surroundings. Some
would call that one's spirituality.
Peak
experiences are moments of love, understanding, happiness, or rapture, during
which a person feels more whole, alive, self-sufficient, and yet a part of the
world, more aware of truth, justice, harmony, goodness, and so on.
As Maslow
puts it, spiritual life is an instinct. It can be heard through the voices
arising from within. However, two forces are pulling at the individual, not
just one. One pulls us toward health and self-actualization, the other toward
weaknesses and sickness.
According to
Maslow, religious or spiritual values are not the exclusive property of any one
religion or group. Self-actualizers are religious in their character,
attitudes, and behavior.
"Spiritual
disorders" tend toward anger or a loss of meaning. Sometimes, it is grief
or despair regarding the future. There is often a belief that one's life is
wasted and that finding joy or love is impossible.
Often, this
comes at the time we call a mid-life crisis.
What is
missing is a grandma's lap, her soothing hand, and a stern voice telling us to
get off our duffs and get to work.
Chapter 55
The Chicago Book Fair
Bill
Clinton gave the keynote address at the Chicago Book Fair the year his
book My Life came out." I remember he said—as a child
he got ice shards from the Iceman, and his publisher told him, “Bill, you don’t
have to mention everyone you have ever met in your life.”
I wondered
how people who wrote memoirs could include such detail. Had they been
journaling?
In the
preface to his book, Clinton writes that as a young man just out of law school
and ready to get on with his life, on a whim, he picked up a self-help book
titled How to Get Control of Your Life by Alan Lahin. The
book's purpose was to list short, medium, and long-term goals. He didn't
remember the B and C lists but remembered the A.
"I
wanted to be a good man, have a good marriage and children, have good friends,
make a successful political life, and write a great book."
Admirable
goals, Clinton.
Wendy
Hiller, a literary agent, invited me to the Chicago Fair along with a few other
writers. She didn't represent me, and I don't remember what I was writing at
the time, nothing good, but she must have seen some potential in me, and wanted
to show me how publishing worked. At the Fair everybody wants to sell,
nobody wants to buy. However, you might find a publisher there, they are
looking.
I met a
delightful young mother I liked who wrote a book about Breastfeeding. Her
husband and brother were with her, and they invited me out to dinner after
Clinton’s speech. Now, I regret that I didn’t go. I could have rallied, but
after a day of walking that gigantic stadium and then wearing high-heeled shoes
to the Clinton speech, I was ready to drop. Thus, I missed my chance to go out
in Chicago with a black couple who might have shown me a thing or two.
Here was
Clinton, an ex-president, so a memoir made sense. I'm a simple person trying to
make sense of it and operating under the belief that you don't have to be
famous to write a memoir. Just fill in the pen drawings with color and see what
happens.
I found a
note from a blog reader in my email this morning who said she wanted to support
me. Thank you, kind person.
I checked
to see what blog she was talking about, and it was "What Do You Wonder
About?" I stole that from Auston Kleon's book Steal Like an
Artist. 10 things nobody told you about being creative.
See, he
gave me permission to steal from him, so I chose the two steps below as the
manifesto for my blog:
Step
One: Wonder about something.
Step
Two: Invite others to wonder with me.
That man
is brilliant.
I came
across his small book, which was free on Amazon Prime, and read it before
lunch.
"You
don't need to be a genius; you just need to be yourself," he wrote.
I slapped
my head and declared, "Thank you, God,"
(Thank
you, Auston Kleon. I don't know if God had anything to do with that statement.)
I have
bounced everywhere with subjects—metaphysics, the spiritual path, life blog,
travel, writing about writing, blogging, chickens, animals, horses, home life,
family, story, Hawaii, Oregon, California, and God. I'll even throw in sea life
if that strikes me. And then I hear the voice of blogging gurus who say to find
your niche and stick with it.
I scream,
"WHAT'S MY NICHE!" (All over the place.)
Kleon
says, "You can cut off a couple of passions and only focus on one, but
after a while, you'll start to feel phantom limb pain."
I love
that man.
"Do
not leave your longings unattended."
Right on.
Yesterday
I began the day by deciding to write something about writing, for I have
readers on my blog “The Best Damn Writer Blogger on the Block.”
www.bestdamnwritersblog.com (Fair to say, I'm the only one on my block
writing one, but maybe I should check to make sure.)
I am
curious to know how those readers found me. However, if someone shows up, I am
happy to offer them something.
Except
that yesterday, I had nothing to say.
Blogs are
supposed to add something of value. So, where did that leave me?
With
Zilch. Nada.
Kleon to
the rescue, "If you try to devour the history of your discipline all at
once, you'll choke."
Okay, back
to the beginning of the day. Hemingway was a good place to start. However,
Hemingway was reluctant to talk about writing, for he felt that saying too much
might inhabit his muse.
Although
Hemingway was known for his adventurous spirit, he was first and foremost a
writer. He might have been reluctant to talk about writing, yet, over the
years, he wrote letters to friends in various parts of the world at different
times, and talk of writing invariably crept in.
Along came
Larry W. Phillips, who uncovered Hemingway's comments on writing and included
them in a book called Ernest Hemingway on Writing.
"All
good books are alike," wrote
Hemingway, "in that they are truer than if they had really
happened, and after you are finished reading one, you will feel that all that
happened to you and afterward all belongs to you; the good and the bad, the
remorse and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was." –By-Line
Earnest Hemingway page 184.
This quote
explains why my eyes cross when people say, "I only read
non-fiction." As though fiction is frivolous, and they are into
"serious" learning.
Quite the
opposite is true. Good fiction writers can hit you with the truth when you
don't even know you've been hit. And where do you see the outer workings of a
person while being privy to their thoughts except with a fictional
protagonist?
There's a
place for both. Yes, for all my ravings about fiction, I am writing
non-fiction.
Write
whatever is itching to come out.
"The
secret is that it is poetry written into prose, and that is the hardest thing
to do." –Ernist Hemingway.
Hemingway
left a lot unsaid. He wrote simply, quite against the flowery prose of his day.
His style was considered the iceberg effect; much was beneath the surface.
Okay, back
to Steal Like an Artist:
"We're talking about practice, not plagiarism. Plagiarism is trying to pass someone else's work off as your own. Copying is about reverse engineering. It's like a mechanic taking apart a car to see how it works."
If you
steal from one author, it's plagiarism, but if you copy from many, it's
research, “If you rip off a hundred people,” Panter says, “the folks will say,
“You're so original."
I believe
the following from Kleon applies not only to artists but to anyone starting a
business:
You will
need the following:
·
Curiosity
· Kindness
· Stamina
· A
willingness to look stupid.
Barbara
Kingsolver said in her last tip of five on writing, "If you are young and
a smoker, you should quit."
I qualify
as a writer.
I don't
smoke, and I'm not young.